Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Writing for Style: Being Concise

Reducing Clauses to Phrases and Phrases to Single Words

Some clauses and phrases can be pared to simpler, shorter constructions. One example is the “which clause”. It can often be shortened.
  • Queen’s University, which is in Kingston, is sometimes called “The Harvard of the North”.
  • Queen’s University in Kingston is sometimes called “The Harvard of the North”.
(Be careful, though, not to use a chain saw instead of a pruner. “Which” is sometimes necessary.)
  • The citizens who knew what was going on voted him out of office.
  • Knowledgeable citizens voted him out of office.
  • Suggesting that a student copy from another student's paper is not something he would say.
  • He wouldn't suggest that a student copy from another student's paper.
Phrases can be trimmed, sometimes to a single word.
  • Unencumbered by a sense of responsibility, Lucille left him with four hungry children and the crops in the field.
  • Lucille irresponsibly left him with four hungry children and the crops in the field.
Or leave out the word altogether and let the act speak for itself. That brings us to:

Intensifiers that Don't Intensify

Avoid using words such as really, very, quite, extremely, severely when they are not necessary. It is usually enough to say that the salary increase is inadequate. Saying that it is severely inadequate sounds like hysteria or a high school essay.

These words don’t need to be banished from your vocabulary but, like spices, are best when used sparingly.

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