General Writing Tips

Follow these simple writing tips and your prose will have a distinct style that will never be forgotten:

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
3. The adverb always follows the verb.
4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
6. Remember to never split an infinitive.
7. Contractions aren't necessary.
8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
9. One should never generalize
10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
11. Don't be redundant; don't say the same thing twice.
12. Be more or less specific.
13. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
14. The passive voice is to be avoided.
15. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
16. Who needs rhetorical questions?
17. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
18. Don't never use a double negation.
19. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
20. A writer must not shift your point of view.
21. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
22. A preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.
23. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!!!!!
24. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
25. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
26. Never use a fancy word when a simple word could be utilized.
27. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; they're old hat.